Hosting a birthday party for your foster child

Hosting a birthday party for your foster child

There are many challenges that can be encountered when a new foster child moves into your home, but sometimes these challenges can result in the happiest experiences for you, your family, and your foster child.

A foster child can join your family at any time and when a birthday is just around the corner this can potentially be difficult to discuss. You might be feeling unsure whether celebrating was something usual for the child or a potentially emotional time.

Get to know the child and their needs

Moving in with a new foster family is a huge transition for the child, but emotions can be even more heightened when there is an upcoming birthday. You may not know what had been ‘the norm’ for celebrating birthdays or even if the child wants to acknowledge their birthday so it is important to be mindful of their feelings and be sure to tread carefully. Has the child been used to celebrating, and if so, how? Or maybe they haven’t celebrated before but potentially might like to. Exploring these options and understanding what the child would like to do for their birthday in plenty of time can allow them the option to prepare for this and spend time thinking about what they would like.

Talk it through 

Approach the subject gently by starting a conversation about their upcoming birthday by letting them know you are aware that it is coming up soon. They may take this as a prompt to begin opening up about how they usually celebrate (or don’t) and what their family means to them at this time. If they shy away from the topic this is ok too, at least now you have opened the lines of conversation for when they feel ready.

If this goes well take the opportunity to suggest doing something nice to celebrate the day. If they have celebrated in the past they might have their own ideas of what they would like to do, if not they made need some guidance in what is appropriate. Suggesting something small with people that they know and trust means they are eased into a situation and should feel comfortable to be themselves and dictate when they have had enough. It also means that if things don’t go to plan they are saved from any embarrassment of becoming overwhelmed in front of too many people or potential new friends.

Plan the day together to avoid surprises

Include them in the planning of the party as this will encourage them to feel included and listened to which will have benefits in other areas of life as they will have had this opportunity to build trust and understanding with you. Vulnerable children and young people can find that they feel they have been let down frequently in the past with decisions being made for them or promises not being fulfilled, so keeping them updated and included will manage their expectations.

Birthdays can be emotional, be prepared!

Birthdays can bring an array of emotions with them and can be difficult to navigate. It can be a challenging time for a foster carer. It can also be a wonderful time as the care and support shown by foster carers can open whole new worlds for the children in their care, exposing them to new experiences and the joy they bring.

Be prepared for feelings to spill over, whether they have celebrated their birthday before or not this will be their first time celebrating it with you. This could be triggering for the child, maybe they aren’t used to being centre of attention and this might make them feel uncomfortable or, understandably, this could make them think of their family. Having ways to adjust the situation or even being ready to drop the celebration at a moment's notice will potentially avoid a meltdown.

As with most situations in foster care things change, feelings and emotions are ever ebbing from positive to overwhelming and knowing this will hopefully mean you are in a situation to keep a birthday positive whether you acknowledge it or not.