My Life Journey Part 5 by Scarlet Jay*

This is part 5 of Scarlet Jay's* story, you can find the other parts at the bottom of the blog.

We all stood in front of the big, red, wooden gate. Our social worker pushed it open and our eyes landed on the bungalow before us.

A BUNGALOW!! I thought. We all walked down the flag stoned path, wasn't bungalows supposed to be lived in by old people. We approached the front door, our social worker nudged me to knock, my right hand connected with the solid door. I knock three times. It was a short wait before we heard the click of the lock and the handle behind pushed down. The door opened slightly, before me stood a woman, in her late 50s at least maybe 60. She had a gentle smile spread across her face as she laid eyes apon us. “Come in, come in!” she motioned for us all to come in, opening the door wider, my brother and sister entered first, then our social worker, i stood there slightly before i stepped inside, a weird smell filled my nose, the door slammed behind me and i turn my head slightly, her brown eyes meet my deep blue ones. She smiles at me, a smile that would comfort any other person, me it made me sick. How was I suppose to stay here, an old woman to look after us 3, i mean, we’re not naughty but we sure are wild, we’ve grown up with no rules, no boundaries. How was this, woman, whose around about 4 foot 11 going to handle us?

I walked down the hallway and turned right to enter the living room.

A cream corner suit sits in the room, a red carpet makes my feet sink, capturing my feet. The woman motions for me to sit down and i take a seat furthest away from her. I didn't make eye contact, i didn't want to. I watched the clock as the seconds hand makes its way around the clock. I kept wishing i would wake up and id be in my bed at home, but this wasn't a dream, this was my life now. This was reality. Our social worker spoke with the woman (who were going to say is granma because i have strict rule guys to keep identity a secret sooooooo-) granma, i think i heard, I'm not sure, i wasn't listening, i drowned everyone's voice out, i didn't like being spoke about, especially if they’re talking about our problems, there was no positive to speak about, just how “misbehaved we are”. It made me sick, and angry.

We all said our farewells to our social worker and we we’re left there, sat in the living room with her. The kids seemed to be warming up to her. Me, i was still a bit cautious. This was going to be our forever home, but was that another lie? She seemed nice, she really did, but if you were me and you have been lied to most of your life, you would approach this situation with caution.

We we’re taken to see our room, my siblings in one room and me in another, the walls were painted and one wall was covered in a wallpaper with hot air ballons. Ikea units stood at the opposite end of the room. “Do you like it?”, i turned to the voice that spoke and my new carer stood behind me, my suitcase sits at her feet. I nod slowly, i wasn’t sure if i should speak or not. I think i was scared I guess; I didn't want to get too connected with this woman just in case we leave again.

Yes, we were told this would be our home until we’re all 18 but what if things change?

What if something happens to her and we we’re taken away again. I’m mean for god sake she was an old woman, and I soon discovered she was an old woman on her own, no husband, no man. Just her. And i think for me that made everything worse. She couldn’t handle us surely, she couldn’t. A 4-year-old who was practically a new born, an 8-year-old who was completely wild, and a 12-year-old who had no confidence, very introvert, and strong willed. I was a 12-year-old who was very protective of my siblings, i mean how could I not be, i was like their mother for so long and all of a sudden, this old woman comes around and starts taking my responsibilities off me.

Granma (as we are calling her) was telling me i could have my childhood back, but what was that supposed to even look like, for so long I've cared for my siblings, not even caring for myself but all of a sudden, I'm supposed to care for myself now.

I think things with Granma were going to be different. A couple months into the placement, Granma started to notice my mental health, and had noticed that i didn’t really enjoy going to school. So one day she sat me down and i broke down infront of her, i cried for hours in her arms. After this i was moved to a different school, she gave a choice, and option. Something i was never been given before.

As i started into my new school Covid came around and put us all into lock-down. This was a very event full 2 years but we were never bored. She did so much with us. We clapped very thursday for the NHS, she helped us complete our online work for school. She did so much and eventually i warmed up to her, i began to trust her.

And that was the beginning of our story, Granma and the 3 kids. The gang as we are called.

I think lockdown was desting to happen for us, so much happend during that time, we have bonded so much. And i think, i will like it here. Yes okay we have rules but i can see that those rules keep us in check, they make us happier. They give us stability. But with all these rules, we still played around. We screamed songs at the top of our lungs and danced around like crazy people including the old lady, who would have thought? A short, little old lady had a crazy side inside. But we weren't crazy, we we’re finally having normal childhood.

Could you welcome a young person like Scarlet Jay* into your home? 

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* Name changed to protect the identity of the young person.