Reflections on my life, by Scarlet Jay*
Date published
18 December 2024
Scarlet Jay* is a young person who lives with her siblings and their Calon Cymru foster carer. She has given us an insight into her life before foster care through a series of blogs. In this stand alone blog, Scarlet Jay* talks about how being in foster care, and in particular how her foster carer ‘Granma’ has changed her life.
Writing this blog for all of you has been hard on me. It's been hard to revisit my past and put it into words where you would all understand but also feel the emotions I felt. This blog was written for foster carers and foster children. How? you may ask, well it was written for foster carers to understand what kind of life a foster child has gone through before coming to them. This was also written for foster kids to show them they're not alone in this world, it shows other young people that there are people out in the world with similar stories to them and that they're not alone. But also, this was written to show that no matter the issue young people are going through that’s it's alright to talk about it, that it’s alright to cry and break down. It's alright to ask for help.
As I’ve said before, she moved me out of one school where I was really badly bullied, and moved me into a new school where I didn’t know anyone, and I know that sounds scary but it was the best thing that could have happened. It was like having a fresh start, a second chance. And that was just the beginning of all the amazing stuff that’s she's done for me and my siblings.
It's been almost a total of five years now, yes, five years doesn’t sound like a lot, but if you were standing in our shoes then it would feel like forever. Trust me guys it does feel like forever. But within that time frame of ‘forever’ we have grown closer than any other foster family would, due to having been stuck in the house together during lockdown it really made us bond and made us aware of each other's likes and dislikes. But not only that it connected us more and more to become a family. A family who loves and cares for each other.
And okay yes, we did see our other family and our mother, but they never felt like true family anymore, and as I got older, I began to realise their flaws. I began to understand the proper story. 11-year-old me would not agree to what I have to say now. 11-year-old me wanted to be back in her mother's arms, but now 16-year-old me sees her mother as a very different person. She’s helped me see past the anger that I had felt towards my aunt and uncle and has helped me see them as individuals, to look past their mistakes and just see them as humans, not as the people who let me and my siblings down. Granma helped me see past all their lies, she helped me bury my anger and hate for them. This doesn’t mean I will learn to love them, but it means I will learn to respect them and their actions.
I have learned to forgive. It was no good keeping all the negative emotions I felt for them inside, I couldn’t spend the rest of my life hating them for what they did, or should I say what they didn’t do.
Granma has changed me and my siblings from wild and untamed children to kids who are well taught, and mannered. She has turned my brother who was like a newborn baby, into a proper child, who can play and dress and even feed himself, my sister who was a massive show off to someone who just enjoys simple interaction without the need to show off. And me, a grumpy, shy, introverted child with no childhood, to someone bright, confident and had a chance at a real childhood like a normal teenager should have.
She’s helped us understand the world around us, helped us see beyond the fairy tales we were told and brought us into the real world. I mean a fairy tale life does sound perfect but you soon have to wake up and face reality.
But from what I'm writing this isn't really showing you how much effort it is to have foster kids. It's not just welcoming them into your home and letting them get on with their lives, you have to treat them like your own, teach them the skills they need to learn so when they are adults they know how to do things like catch a bus or budget their money.
And this is what Granma did, she taught us and respected us. She taught me how to catch a bus to college, and how to catch a bus to go to job interviews. I learnt how to budget my money and how to look on the bottom shelf for the cheaper prices. I’ve learnt how to cook, how to clean.
And I know I mentioned in my other blogs that I had to cook for my siblings, but I meant, like ready meals done in the microwave. Granma has taught me how to cook properly. Because of this I was able to pass my cooking exam. Because of her me and my siblings are getting the proper education we need, my brother excelling in everything he does, my sister tries her very hardest to tackle work even if she finds it hard, and me, with 9 GCSE’s A* to B and in college.
Because of Granma me and my siblings have been able to go on a plane for the first time. She took us away, to a different country. If we weren't with Granma, I think the furthest me and my siblings would have got for a holiday was Porthcawl or Tenby. Because of Granma, me and my siblings got to experience what it’s like to go on a train, a bus. She’d take us out on loads and loads of day trips, and holidays. She’d even bought a caravan for us to get a proper chance at a normal childhood. She has done so much for us and in return we try to show her that her hard work does pay off.... sometimes 😊
I can say that know I would not agree to what my 11-year-old me self-done, I should have spoken up, I should have said something. But at the same time, if I did speak up. Would me and my siblings be separated? What if we didn't end up with Granma? What would our lives look like if we weren't with Granma? All these thoughts constantly run through my head, but all that matters is where we are now and who we are will. Being with Granma was for the best, even if 11-year-old me wouldn’t agree. But sometimes you just have to take the risk, go that extra mile to find out what's beyond the finishing line.
So, with that all said and done I want to thank you all for reading my story about my life. And I also want to thank my Granma for being a big part of my life. And too all those foster carers out there in the world, I want to tell you to keep fighting for your child's rights, show them you care. Because most of us haven’t been shown or know what love and care is like. So please do the right thing. And help change a child's life forever.
* Names changed to protect the identity of the young person and foster carer.
Fostering stories
18 December 2024
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