The True Meaning of Gifts: A Foster Carer's Heartwarming Experience

The True Meaning of Gifts: A Foster Carer's Heartwarming Experience

As Christmas approaches and we get wrapped up in shopping for gifts we wanted to take some time to think about what a gift actually means. Foster Carer Sarah* writes about her recent experience of receiving 'a gift' from the child she cares for

The Importance of Boundaries

I’m a hugger, I’m good at it, and my bag of hugs is bottomless. Unfortunately, hugging isn’t always appropriate or wanted with the young people in your care. Boundaries are clearly drawn from the introduction, and it’s also not unusual to get young people who don’t want to be hugged, and you respect that from the off. Hugs are intimate, and often the young people we care for are distrusting of any display of physical affection.

Expectations Around Gift Giving

As foster carers, we don’t expect presents on birthdays or at Christmas. If they happen, well, that’s marvellous, but we don’t expect it. You can be caring for children who have spent a lot of their time in survival mode, just surviving, and can appear to be very self-serving and can lack any understanding or appreciation of the joy of present giving. So we don’t expect it.

A Special Surprise

It brings to mind a young man I was caring for; let’s call him Josh. A determined no-hugger ever, sort of chap. My birthday loomed, and I made no bones about it; it was my birthday, and I was going to celebrate it. On said birthday morning, the young man in question came down for breakfast and managed to mumble “Oh happy birthday.” I appreciated that he remembered, said thank you, and thought no more about it. We had cake that evening, and I displayed cards and flowers I had received from friends and family. The following day passed, as did the next two, until the weekend, and I’d forgotten all about it.

A Thoughtful Gesture

Josh had gone out with his support worker, and when he returned, he looked a bit sheepish. Bright red in the face, he presented me with a pretty bag. “For your birthday,” he mumbled. Surprised and taken aback, I unwrapped two beautiful, thoughtful presents that his support worker said he had chosen himself, and they were so me. I was so touched; I couldn’t help tearing up and thanked him profusely. His support worker prompted him, “Wasn’t there something else you want to ask? Josh has something he’s been wanting to ask you for a while.” Not a clue of what was coming next, I said breezily, “Ask away.” He went bright red and mumbled, “Shall we go for a hat trick? Can I give you a hug?” You could have blown me away with a feather. Choked, I said, “Of course,” and we hugged it out.

The Gift of Connection

It was the first time I had ever received birthday presents from a young person in my care, and the hug, well that was a gift.